it didn't snow today.

it always snows today.

oh hey pitchfork. thanks for reminding me of 8th - 10th grades in ONE SHOT.

He's hanging by a moment here with you? He'll follow wherever you will go? We all wish we were somewhere making out, but seriously, stop listening to this song and and just ask her the fuck out already.

freshman year when i'd come home for weekends and i'd wake up in my own bed in my own room, i'd think it was just a dream. some crazy messed up dream.

haha last night's entry was a clusterfuck. thanks for that one.

so. fall as a dance party? does shitty world morale lead to happy music?? think about it for a moment.

in other news, if happy beachy sounding music keeps coming, maybe summer will never be over. maybe it's always july.

"all you can hear is the sound of your own heart
and all you can feel
is your lungs flood
and the blood course

but oh i can see
five hundred years dead set ahead of me
five hundred behind
a thousand years in perfect symmetry"

i am determined to make this right.

boy i fucked this one up, didn't i? should have just waited those extra what??? TWO DAYS. seriously.

luke broke up with me hours after i posted the scrubs quote. i'm still not okay with it. seriously. this sucks a lot. and now that i'm home with nothing to do it's even worse. he was the one that was always optimistic. ugh. i'm just mad a lot of the time. i just don't get it a lot of the time.

i was kind of mopey the last few weeks of school for a variety of reasons but my friends were all really great. i hung out at the house a lot. and with sammy and eight beat. you know. the ones that have always been there. so i say the best is always right before the end. and it wasn't in this case. i have a few good memories from the last week of school...the one that sticks out the most is just a simple one. ryan, noah, and i going out for a drive. i always liked the simple things.

i moved home. luckily, the first week i was home was filled with friends from school visiting for my party. now i'm alone. unemployed. not a fan.

i'm going up to the lake this weekend. yay [=

i ran into steve when i went to turn in my keys. as we were leaving, he turned to me and said "now what do we do?" he seemed so sad, so lost.

i moved back today. i spent most of tonight trying to unpack. my things don't seem to have a place here. i know exactly where they go in my room that no longer exists. maybe i don't have a place here either.

freeze advisories week eleven? feels like freshman year.

endings are never easy. i always build them up so much in my head, they can't possibly live up to my expectations and i just end up disappointed. i'm not even sure why it matters to me so much how things end here. i guess it's because we all want to believe what we do is very important. that people hang onto our every word. that they care what we think. the truth is, you should consider yourself lucky if you even occasionally get to make someone, anyone, feel a little better. after that, it's all about the people you let into your life. and as my mind drifted to faces i've seen here before, i was taken to memories of family, of co-workers, of lost loves, even of those who have left us. and as i rounded that corner, they all came at me in a wave of shared experiences. and even though it felt warm and safe, i knew it had to end. it's never good to live in the past too long. as for the future, thanks to dan, it didn't seem so scary anymore. it could be whatever i want it to be. and who's to say this isn't what happens? who can tell me that my fantasies won't come true just this once?

family guy's new episode name? "we love you conrad" it made me laugh a bit.

happy cinco de drinko!

it's may.

when i first woke up, i remembered all of it. by the time i came home, the only clue that i even had the dream was the fact that i almost wore the soccer jersey today.

four years ago, i was crying about leaving nf. now i don't want to go back.

seriously. who came up with this college thing?

i always said i would miss the familiar things. like going to the mall and seeing faces you knew and the view from the top of my driveway and the house on the corner.

you always think they are going to be there.

my college ring came in the mail today. i walked up the driveway and examined the package and remembered when i got my high school one. i don't really remember the ring ceremony so much or even the dance. everything i look at my old ring i think about the track meet we had the next day. and how that was the first time i got to see my ring in the sun. and the blue green ACTUALLY looked blue green.

the new one is a lot smaller and it has my actual birthstone which is very bright. small. bright.

i also planned my graduation party. and when i'm going to be in NF. and when i'm going to move into the apartment i don't have yet. grown up?

1. watch "wristcutters: a love story"
2. become obsessed with it
3. download the soundtrack
4. load it onto your iphone
5. listen to it non-stop until you get sick of it three months later
6. travel to oaxaca
7. drive from oaxaca to tlacolula and teotitlan
8. listen to the soundtrack again

not again


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1145777/Pill-erase-bad-memories-Ethical-furore-drugs-threaten-human-identity.html